Monday, August 6, 2012

Oh No He Di-int!

Remember back in the days of childhood, when in the heat of a verbal battle, that deciding moment when you KNEW the friendship was OVER, when Fight or Flight was in full effect, and you were ready to throw down and shed blood,  the worst possible thing you could say to your opponent was "Cocksucker, mother fucker, two-ball bitch... every time I think of you, my two balls itch!" Or if you thought someone was putting on airs or walking around like he was Big Bout Ya, you'd say "You walk around like you're hot shit on a silver platter, but you're really just a cold turd in a Dixie cup!" The key to saying either of these with any effect at all was saying it like you just made it up. The first one is nearly impossible to say without falling into the rhythm of it, thus taking any serious threat out of it. The second one you can ONLY say with a disgusted, smug sneer. That must be why you will still hear people say it in boardrooms, bedrooms and back alleys all over the country, even today, and the former one is relegated to the dustbin of youth .

Why as adults are we so economically conservative with our insults? I blame our education system and fluoride in the drinking water. "Hey, FUG YOU!"

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